A report coming out from the ICC today has revealed that over 70% of cricketing terminology is made up on the fly by various commentators, umpires and players in an attempt to make the game seem more legitimate.
The report, titled “Bullshit in White: Making Up Stuff In the Field” has exposed thousands of people involved in cricket as having ‘little-to-no’ background in the game, and instead ‘just makes up field positions, tactics and other stuff on the fly’.
“I mean seriously, did anyone truly think ‘silly mid-on’ is a thing?!” said ICC Chief Executive Dave Richardson.
“For the most part, we were just watching in stunned silence as these guys just made shit up to impress the younger guys in the team, who ended up passing it on to the generation after them”.
“Nature is truly a beautiful thing!”
The report offered several suggestions to combat the flow of misinformation.
“Firstly, no-one in the team over the age of 40 is allowed to say anything, other than sledge opponents. That’s the one place we want them to focus their bullshitting talents.”
“Also, we’re going to give fielding positions more logical names, like ‘really-close’, ‘kind-of-close’ and ‘more-far-away-than-close’.
“We’ll also officially rename the slip cordon to it’s lesser-known names, ‘Fat Bastard #1’, ‘Fat Bastard #2’, so on and so forth.”
“There are some parts of the game you just don’t change”.