Following Steve Hansen’s failure to pronounce the name of rising star Te Toiroa Tahuriorangi, All Blacks management have today unveiled new policy to address the controversy.
“We’ve been speaking with everyone, and we think we’ve reached an optimal solution” said NZRU CEO Steve Tew.
“By calling all forwards ‘Not-Richie’ and all backs ‘Not-Dan’, we avoid both being labelled as racists, while also motivating the boys to play that little bit harder, like Dan and Richie would”.
When asked for comment, All Blacks players gave a mixed response.
“I really like it,” said Not-Richie McCaw. “Now I don’t need to worry about learning the names of every Tom, Dick or Harry who gets a call-up. Or should that be Not-Dan, Not-Dan, or Not-Richie?”
“I’m not really convinced at this point,” said Not-Dan Carter. “It’s pretty much the exact opposite of seeing your name up in lights”.
The announcement has been applauded by other members of SANZAR.
“We fully support the NZRU’s announcement today” said South African Rugby Union CEO, Jurie Row.
“However, we can’t help but feel the victims of double-standards after our policy around our squad’s ‘race-quota’ from last year.”
“By getting some of our boys under a layer of boot polish, we could achieve a wonderful racial balance in the squad – those bloody snowflakes saw an end to that, though.”
“It’s PC gone bloody mad.”