American President Donald Trump has wasted no time reacting to the news that the House of Representatives have voted to impeach him, releasing a statement today saying that he is 'not a fan of peaches' and he 'hadn't even eaten a peach before'.
In his full statement, Trump went on to slam those in the media who were reporting on the result of the vote, saying he was the victim of the 'worst witch hunt in the history of American politics'.
"Imagine saying a man of my stature would be a fan of fruit and vegetables like peaches!"
"No other American president has undergone such a disgusting level of harassment" he added, conveniently forgetting the four Presidents who were assassinated while in office.
"I know that my supporters are smart enough to see through this Fake News".
More to come.
Saying he was saving them 'for a rainy day', YouTuber and self-described 'critic of society' 'ShadowFang89' today recorded several apology videos for indiscretions he had yet to commit.
ShadowFang, better known as Keith Moore, said he wanted the apologies pre-recorded on his hard drive with clear edit points where he could slip in exactly what he had done that warranted the apology.
Moore, a 32-year-old insurance salesman, had built a 'following' of a few dozen subscribers who sporadically tuned in to his videos and streams that covered everything from video games and movies, to politics, pop culture and society in general.
"I figure when I eventually make it big, I'll have people who are wanting to take me down just because of some of the awful and toxic stuff I've said in the past."
"These pre-recorded apologies mean I can now focus entirely on bringing the masses what they want: two-hour long analysis videos on anime boob physics."
Moore went on to add that had planned out several more apology video templates, including everything from dropping racial and homophobic slurs, to casual sexism, and general nastiness and bullying.
"I am truly a cross-genre creator".
As part of her regular press conferences, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has today announced that from January next year, New Zealand's national anthem will include the chorus of the seminal country classic 'Wagon Wheel' as its third verse.
"We just felt as though 'Wagon Wheel' encompassed everything that makes Kiwis, Kiwis" said Ardern, on the steps of Parliament.
'Wagon Wheel', originally written by Bob Dylan and Ketch Secor in 1973, describes a hitchhiking journey along the East Coast of the United States as the narrator hopes to reach his lover.
"It's beloved by Kiwi legends like Ritchie McCaw, so you know it's good." Ardern continued.
"No matter where you are or what you're doing, when it comes on at a party or at a pub, everyone raises their glasses and sings along. Those are the qualities you want in a national anthem".
When polled by DUFP reporters, Dunedin locals were in overwhelming support for the change. Over 60% of people were reported as being 'bloody stoked' about the addition, with a further 26% being 'over the moon'.
More to come.