Green Party executes man who double-bagged groceries

In a move that shows they mean business, the Green Party have today publicly executed a local man guilty of double-bagging his groceries in single-use plastic bags.


Ignoring the cries and pleas for mercy from the victim, local man Ian Vaughan, Greens co-leader James Shaw gave MP Chloe Swarbrick the signal to begin the execution.


Vaughan was earlier this week convicted of double-bagging his groceries, a bunch of bananas, pottle of yoghurt and three potatoes, before walking home for dinner.


“Sure, it begins with yogurt and some potatoes, but before you know it, that bag will be suffocating some poor seagull as it makes its way offshore to get food for its young,” said Shaw.


“Mr Vaughan has essentially choked several dozen seabirds to death with his greedy appetite for plastic bags.”


“Disgusting!”


The Green Party have confirmed that after the execution, Vaughan’s body will be composted and mulched in a nearby body of native trees.


“After all, we’re not monsters!”