Only days before the premiere of new flagship TVNZ reality show ‘Heartbreak Island’, production has ground to a halt after the entire island and its inhabitants were quarantined due to an outbreak of the STI known as ‘Super-Herpes’.
Associate Director Rose Tuilagi said that initial reports suggested they would only be delayed by “a few days” while they waited for soil, water and pregnancy tests to come back from the lab.
“While we certainly understand that people are upset about the delays and concerned for our contestants, we’d like to reassure everyone that morale is high in the camp and that we’ve got enough food, coconut oil and rosé to last several more days”.
“The mood here is so positive! If you were to walk around camp, you could hardly tell that we were under quarantine enforced by the Army”.
“I’m surrounded by idiots. Beautiful idiots, but idiots nonetheless”.
Tuilagi added that plans were already underway for a future TVNZ reality shows. Ideas being workshopped include ‘Grandaddy or Sugar Daddy?’, ‘You Ooze, You Lose!’ and ‘STD Roulette’.