In surprising news, the immigrant caravan slowly making its way north from South America has released a statement today, saying they now plan to avoid settling in America, and now plan to cross their northern border into Canada.
A spokesperson from the group said that many of those who made up the caravan had “already escaped a murderous and unhinged dictator” in their home countries, and had “no plans to settle in a country ruled by another one”.
“We’ve all been keeping a close eye on the news in America recently, and we’ve decided that we couldn’t risk the safety of our families by settling in a place that’s ravaged by violent political discord, drug wars and a malnourished population”.
“That’s why we’ve made the decision to push further north, until we reach Canada. With their more progressive politics and higher quality of life, we’re hoping to become functioning members of their society”.
In the days since making the announcement, the caravan has received applications from several thousand Americans, hoping to join them on their search for a better life further north.
“It’s heartbreaking, really. You could almost say their country has become a bit of a shithole... but we won’t say that. We’re much too polite.”
The spokesperson went on to confirm they would be performing strict background checks on those who apply to join them.
“You can’t let just anyone in, of course,” they said. “You never know who was crazy enough to think that Trump’s politics would work – that’s someone we certainly don’t want around here.”
More to come.