Local woman scrolls through Facebook without clearing notifications like some kind of psychopath

It was confirmed by confidential sources today that local cafe worker Dani Ferguson scrolls through her Facebook feed without clearing her notifications; like a goddamn psychopath, or something.


Ferguson (20), a long-time user of various social media platforms, confirmed to DUFP reporters that she did, in fact, largely ignore the prominent red bubbles that notified users of comments, tags and other such social events that involved her.


“Yeah, I’ll get to them later.”


Ferguson said that she currently had ‘a few dozen’ notifications on her profile from the past month, and that she had no immediate plans to remove them.


“I don’t really care about some Minions meme that Mum’s tagged me in, or the latest racist article from Breitbart that Uncle John ‘simply insists’ I read. Yuck.”


Ferguson would not comment on speculation that her phone had other notifications she had yet to clear, including hundreds of unread emails, a bunch of apps that were available to update, and several dozen unread Tinder messages.