Blinking nervously and dabbing sweat from his brow, local man Mike Macallister spent the majority of his weekend frantically reassuring his girlfriend Kelsey Greene that his moaning of the Black Caps captain’s name in the throes of passion was, in fact, nothing to worry about.
Sitting with her arms crossed and a pursed look on her face, Greene had yet to speak a word to Macallister since he uttered the name of the New Zealand cricket captain whilst mid-coitus on Friday evening.
“I feel like such a fool,” said Macallister. “I’ve been so careful to keep the two main loves of my life seperate; cricket and Kelsey.”
“Kelsey’s a fantastic, intelligent girl, with a great personality, but Kane… he’s special to me. I just can’t get enough of that thing he does with his wrists.”
“And don’t get me started on that smile of his. It makes me weak at the knees, truth be told.”
Speaking exclusively to DUFP reporters, Greene said she was completely taken aback by Macallister’s exclamation.
“I thought things were going well on the night, but apparently I could be doing a bit more for his middle stump”.
Williamson could not be reached for comment at the time of publishing, but a representative from New Zealand Cricket said he appreciated being kept in the thoughts of all Kiwis, even in a ‘creepy ways like this’.