 Local Gore man Henry Matthews has today taken his brand-new camouflage-style ‘Make America Great Again’ hat into town, hoping he’ll be able to both display his intolerant political views in public, while hiding it from public backlash at the same time.
Matthews, a 45-year-old farmer, has never left the lower South Island for more than three days at a time, but still has strong views on immigration, especially in regards to Syrian refugees. “Don’t let ‘em in, I say,” Matthews said, balancing a piece of straw in his mouth. “They made their mess with starting this war, they can damn well stay there until they clean it up!” Aside from his prehistoric views towards immigration and minorities, Matthews has several other positions on issues that he is more than happy to share with others, mostly without them asking to hear them. “Gays? Don’t like ‘em. Liberals? Bunch of pansy snowflakes. Atheists? Don’t even get me started!” Matthews says that he plans to invest in several large ‘Pepe the Frog’ posters, a replacement MAGA hat in case his current one should be stolen and several ‘Donald Trump is my president!’ posters, despite never having visited America. “He’s certainly the president of my heart. But, y’know, not in a gay way”. |
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