A local Dunedin man was unable to properly display his rage at a piece of inferior driving today, as his loose tooting technique failed to convey his feelings of pure rage and hatred.
Mechanic and father of two, Mike Ambrose, was coming home after another hard day of work when he saw the offending driver and their poor level of skill.
“I was coming into Dunedin from Mosgiel when I saw this idiot; he was all over the road. Swerving over both lanes, slowing down, speeding up – I’m pretty sure he was on his phone too!”
Ambrose said he managed to pull alongside the other driver, matching their pace, before letting him ‘have it’.
“I really gave him both barrels. Made eye contact and everything.”
“Unfortunately, I think I was a little over-enthused on the horn – it sounded like I was playing an excitable kazoo next to him! Afterwards, I felt like I had an old cashew between my legs… total d-shriveller!”
Ambrose says he has plans to immediately rectify the situation, saying he has already purchased several different truck horns that he will rig up in his car.
“I tried to get one of those foghorns they use on cruise ships, but they won’t sell one to me because I ‘don’t own a ship that weighs hundreds of tonnes’ or something.”
“Total PC madness”.
More to come.