Local burger-flipper Corey Swanson spent the best part of an hour weighing up the pros and cons of a life of crime today, while checking the payslip from his minimum wage job.
Sources confirm that Swanson, 23, was envisaging life as a hardened gangster, roaming the mean streets of Dunedin, rather than an overworked and underappreciated fast food employee in Caversham.
“Could I live with myself, though?” he asked himself.
“Sure, I’d be able to afford rent each week, plus a little on the side so I don’t end up starving to death, but could I live with the idea of pushing around the little guy? Being a super-tough street thug?”
Swanson was said to have a ‘far-away look in his eyes’ and a ‘slight smile’ on his face while day-dreaming, almost as if he was picturing whacking his boss and dumping the body into a nearby reservoir.
“A man can dream, can’t he?”
Swanson was part-way through designing his multi-million-dollar mansion in Maori Hill before being rudely interrupted from a text from his boss, calling him in to work a double-shift that night.
“Sure, Al Capone died a prisoner, but he died a RICH prisoner”.
“And you can be DAMN sure Capone would never have to cover Tracey’s shift because she’s off ‘sick’ again for the third Friday night in a row!”