Nation’s fathers to begin practising loud, over-excited applause for upcoming graduations

Fathers, step-fathers and daddies across the nation have announced today they are beginning intensive ‘applause training’ in preparation for upcoming graduations, where they plan to applaud in a totally over-the-top fashion that is sure to cause lots of embarrassment.
 
Speaking from his family home, one father who asked not to be named, said he was “just so excited to see his little girl finally graduate” and “dive right into the exciting world of philosophy with a high-paying job right off the bat”.
 
The unnamed man went on to say he had begun training under a strict applause regimen that he hoped would result in “the biggest booming claps you’ve ever heard in your life!”
 
“They are going to hear how proud I am all the way across town!”
 
He added that his ‘Clap Coach’ encouraged him to use his hands as little as possible until the big day.
 
“Yeah, it’ll be odd having to use my wrists and feet for the next month or two, but it’ll all be worth it soon enough!”
 
Other dads were still unsure as to how they were planning to mark the occasion.
 
“Personally, I’m still tossing up between loud, thunderous applause and shorter, sharper claps. I’m not quite sure which will sufficiently display my joy of my little man graduating” said another father.
 
“Ah well, there’s a long way until May!”