New Apple iPhone models to only play U2 from 2019

Big news for all Apple fanatics out there – as part of the announcement of the new iPhone models, Apple CEO Tim Cook revealed that each phone would be set up to exclusively play U2 on Apple Music, removing all other music from the streaming service from 2019.


“We figured that after our last exclusive release with U2 went so well, we’d take it a step further with our new iPhone release”.


“By removing literally all non-U2 content from Apple Music, we’re hoping to introduce a whole new generation to the awesome riffs of The Edge, incredible basslines of Adam Clayton, rhythmic drumming of Larry Mullen Jr. and Bono’s there too!”


“It’s a win for absolutely everyone!”


Other artists have already begun to react to the announcement, with Kanye West tweeting his disgust over several dozen messages to Apple, Jay-Z trying to make ‘Tidal’ still happen, and Paul McCartney releasing a half-hour snippet of himself laughing uncontrollably.


On their various social media pages, U2 have announced they plan to release several new albums in the coming months, as well as releasing dates for a never-ending world tour.


DUFP reporters spoke with several younger attendees of Apple’s announcement, and received a resounding reply.


“Who?”