New Zealand devolves into civil war after Dancing with the Stars finale

It took only hours after last night’s Dancing with the Stars finale for the entirety of New Zealand to break down into a massive internal conflict, comparable to that of a civil war.


The show’s announcement that saw newsreader Samantha Hayes take out the top honour left millions of people around the country either dancing in the streets or shaking uncontrollably with rage, believing their candidate was the better dancer.


It wasn’t long before the first drop of blood was spilt, with David Seymour’s ‘Twerk Troop’ decimating a small number of Naz Khanjani’s ‘Naz-ty Girls’. Before too long, hundreds of Kiwis were lying dead in the street, thousands more hospitalised and Hamilton had been blown off the map.


Experts believe it will take several more weeks for the fighting to die down, unless a new hot reality show takes the country by storm.


A statement from the Acting Prime Minister's office pleaded for peace.


“It’s times like these that we need to focus on what unites us, not divides us. Be with those you love tonight, regardless of who they wanted to win.”


“And if you don’t think Sam deserved to win, you can catch these hands.”