NZRU makes blood sacrifice for bountiful season ahead

 Following their barnstorming 52-11 victory over the French last weekend, the NZRU have taken steps to ensure another dominating performance this weekend – beginning with a blood sacrifice under the full moon.


NZRU CEO Steve Tew announced today that they ‘fully intended’ to continue with the tradition, occurring at the same time since 1903.


“Each year the NZRU have made the sacrifice to the gods of rugby, and each year, we continue to dominate the game. Coincidence? I don’t think so.”


The sacrifice, usually a soccer or rugby league fan, is chosen from people who make a point of saying rugby ‘should be called thugby’ and that they don’t think that players like Richie McCaw or Dan Carter ‘are anything special, compared to Pele or Shaun Johnson'.


Each year’s sacrifice is credited with both the ongoing dominance of NZ teams like the All Blacks, while also ensuring the production line has another perfect player ready to step up to the next level.


There have been years where the ritual has gone wrong, like in 2007, when the NZRU accidentally summoned Satan, who took the form of an English referee.