Ragtag team of outcasts, lost causes and losers form sports team, lose every match

After entering their team into a local social cricket league, the several lovable rogues, vagabonds and outsiders that made up their squad have confirmed they lost every game by ‘a truly mammoth margin’.
 
‘The Kiwi Battlers’, with members from all walks of life, ranging from those who ‘had rough childhoods’ to those who ‘never got a shot at the big time’, were reportedly decimated in every game they played by at least 150 runs or several wickets.
 
“Yeah, it was quite bad,” said team captain Guy Rivers. “We were hoping that we’d manage to win a handful of games due to our sheer pluck and determination at overcoming our unique set of circumstances.”
 
“But no, we got absolutely pumped in each game. We probably should have trained a bit”.
 
Team coach and barely functioning alcoholic Mick O’Donnell said while the team had won the hearts and minds of many spectators and other teams, they had failed to win literally anything else.
 
“It’s a miracle our guys can lace up their shoes correctly, really”.
 
At the team’s end of season awards, Most Improved was awarded to their opening batsman, who by the end of the season, had figured out which end of his bat to hold.
 
More to come.