In an attempt to settle the debate of when adulthood ‘officially’ begins, the world’s top scientists released a report this afternoon, confirming you ‘become’ an adult once you get spooked by loitering teenagers.
“The question of one ‘officially becomes’ an adult is one that has been debated about for years,” said Head Researcher Jorgen Schneider, from his laboratory in Zurich, Switzerland.
“Many people have put forward their own opinions, but we can safely say now that it occurs the first time you get slightly nervous when you’re about to walk past a bunch of teenagers who are just standing around”.
“Please bear in mind that this is not the same as being nervous when walking near a group of racial minorities – that’s just called 'Being an Asshole'”.
Schneider said he was looking forward at investigating several other changes in people’s psyche over the coming years.
He noted upcoming studies, including finding traits in children that indicate their likelihood of becoming a ‘Flat Mum’, if ‘Fuck Boys’ occur naturally in the wild, and uncovering the exact amount of RTDs it takes for a repressed religious teenager to begin exploring their sexuality.
“Truly, we are doing God’s work”.