Student flat landlord reckons plank of wood nailed over gaping hole constitutes ‘repair’

​A local Dunedin landlord has today confirmed that he believes that a plank of wood nailed across a gaping hole in the wall of a bedroom in a local student flat is ‘sufficient’, and that ‘they won’t even notice’.
 
Dean McIntosh, a local banker who ‘dabbles’ in the rental market, plans to spend ‘no more than a week or two’ doing much-needed repair work on several of his rental properties, despite them being in poor and unliveable conditions.
 
“Holes in the walls? Nothing a 2-by-4 can’t fix! Black mould? I’ll probably whack a coat of paint over it or something.”
 
“I’m getting really good at this landlord thing – it’s hardly even costing me anything to the repairs! The wood I’m using has come from a tree I cut down in the backyard and I got this paint for next to nothing! Something about lead content or something…”
 
Despite the painstaking level of care McIntosh has put into his work, he says he has yet to receive any inquiries for tenants in 2019.
 
“It’s almost as if they don’t want to pay $150 a week for a place with no insulation or double glazing, poor water pressure and broken glass scattered everywhere!”

“Bloody millennial snowflakes!”
 
In spite of such a poor response, McIntosh is still optimistic about his chances of landing tenants, and even more enthused about his DIY prowess.
 
“Mate, I’m thinking of signing up for The Block next year or something!”