Student struggling to balance shower between warmth and water pressure

A University of Otago student has today confirmed that despite living in his new flat for five months, he had yet to determine the ideal shower handle position to balance decent water pressure with hot water flow.


Jackson Whittaker (21) spoke with DUFP reporters today, saying he had yet to find a setting that didn’t result in either a “piss-weak trickle” of hot water, or a flow of water “as lukewarm as a Pākehā baby-boomer’s rendition of the Māori part of the national anthem”.


“Yeah nah, I should’ve had this sussed over the summer months”, said Whittaker. “But now I’ve got to work it out over winter in this mouldy shitbox that doesn’t even have a fucking heater”.


Whittaker went on to confirm that matters were further complicated by the constantly clogged drain, resulting in a puddle of water, shampoo suds and urine constantly threatening to spill over the shower lip.


“I’ll be fucked if I’m the one to clean it though. Can never tell if you’ve just touched shampoo or if it’s from a flatmate cheating on the crusty gym sock kept under the mattress”.