Teachers promise not to strike if they can go back to hitting kids again

​After threatening the potential of more teachers’ strikes in the near future, the New Zealand Educational Institute (NZEI) have today said they are willing to return to work under current conditions if they regain the ability to hit children in the classroom.
 
A Union representative said they were ‘tossing up’ between striking for more pay and striking for the ability to back-hand a little wiseass who keeps getting lippy and disrupting the class.
 
“Sure, we’d love to feel as though we’re finally getting paid what we’re worth after decades of being ignored and overlooked, but the ability to rule a class with an iron fist and have no-one talk back once we’ve said something is pretty attractive, too”.
 
“Let’s face it – there’s a REALLY good chance that your ‘little angel’ is actually a wee shit who’s lived life on a VERY long leash”.
 
The NZEI have calculated the numbers behind their proposal and claim that the costs of medical care for children will be ‘hundreds of thousands of dollars’ less than the cost of an increase in wages and conditions.
 
“We put our top economics and maths teachers on this, and every time we run the numbers, it becomes more and more alluring to put the boot into the kids – and I mean that very literally”.
 
The NZEI went on to add they were willing to negotiate on the levels of punishment doled out.
 
“We will hear the government out on what they deem as an ‘appropriate’ punishment”.
 
“For example, the lowest we want to go is putting the kids in the tackle-bags for the first-fifteen at the local high school, but we draw the line at making the kids do something truly scarring, like watching reruns of David Seymour’s twerks on Dancing with the Stars”.
 
“At the end of the day, we don’t want to DAMAGE the kids, just punish them”.