The Secret to Our Success?: Scientists Literally Find Rugby in New Zealanders’ DNA

 In a stunning announcement, the world’s geneticists have announced they may have found the secret to New Zealand’s domination of rugby: it’s literally in our DNA.


The announcement, coming off a four-year study into New Zealand’s continued domination of the oval-ball game, was made today from a laboratory in Geneva, Switzerland.


The head researcher, Professor Yann Schmidt, declared that after “hundreds of millions of dollars” and “several years of hard work”, they had finally concluded that rugby was indeed in the DNA of every New Zealander.


“You can see it quite clearly in the shape of the DNA of the average New Zealander – a clear rugby ball shape.”


“We can only assume this is why such a small population of people have dominated one of the biggest sports in the world for over one hundred years.”


The study had hoped to include samples from Australia, but researchers were unable to secure a sample.


“We couldn’t even secure a Petrie Dish of bacteria from Australia. Is this what people mean when they say ‘Australia has no culture’?”