Woman hopes Tank Juice and Salad for lunch will offset weekend’s worth of drinking and smoking

With fingers crossed, local woman Hannah Fletcher surveyed the menu at her local Tank Bar, in the hopes of finding a meal deal combo that could offset the damage done to her body after a long weekend abusing the cigs and piss.


“Sooo... which is better at scrubbing the tar from my lungs – an antibiotic, or copious amounts of Vitamin C?”


“I mean, I got through so many Dunny Blues over Labour Weekend, you could seal a road with the stuff in there!”


Fletcher, an investment banker, has made a habit of giving in to her many vices over her weekends and holiday breaks, hoping that a salad and juice combo would help her purge the toxins from her system.


“How many bananas will it take to offset two bottles of cheap rosé? Maybe if I add some mango, I’ll be able to shake this hangover I’ve had since 2016...”


“I’m not as young as I used to be – I may need to start taking Omega-3 tablets in the mornings!”


When questioned about her lifestyle choices, she became quite defensive.


“Look, if downing a bottle or two of cheap wine from the supermarket, a pack of ciggies and something greasy from Maccas at 2:30am is ‘wrong’ all of a sudden, then I sure as shit don’t want to be ‘right’!”


“#badgurlsforlife!”