With fingers crossed, local woman Hannah Fletcher surveyed the menu at her local Tank Bar, in the hopes of finding a meal deal combo that could offset the damage done to her body after a long weekend abusing the cigs and piss.
“Sooo... which is better at scrubbing the tar from my lungs – an antibiotic, or copious amounts of Vitamin C?”
“I mean, I got through so many Dunny Blues over Labour Weekend, you could seal a road with the stuff in there!”
Fletcher, an investment banker, has made a habit of giving in to her many vices over her weekends and holiday breaks, hoping that a salad and juice combo would help her purge the toxins from her system.
“How many bananas will it take to offset two bottles of cheap rosé? Maybe if I add some mango, I’ll be able to shake this hangover I’ve had since 2016...”
“I’m not as young as I used to be – I may need to start taking Omega-3 tablets in the mornings!”
When questioned about her lifestyle choices, she became quite defensive.
“Look, if downing a bottle or two of cheap wine from the supermarket, a pack of ciggies and something greasy from Maccas at 2:30am is ‘wrong’ all of a sudden, then I sure as shit don’t want to be ‘right’!”