World’s voodoo priests to switch to ‘Incels’ as source of virgin sacrifices

In a statement released today by the Brotherhood of Voodoo Priests, all virginal sacrifices will now be conducted upon the world’s ‘Incel’ population, ending a longstanding relationship with the more traditional beautiful female sacrifice.


A spokespriest revealed the reasoning behind the decision. “After a series of inhouse discussions, we feel as though this decision is the best for the entire planet.”


“Not only are we using a more renewable energy source to preserve the earth’s environment, but we’re also improving the environment on internet message boards, forums and social medias.”


Converting all practising voodoo priests to a reliable source of Incel sacrifices is forecast to take upwards of seven months, but the Brotherhood is convinced that once completed, rituals will be better than ever.


“Have you seen how greasy and oily some of those guys are?! They’ll burn like a bloody birthday candle – which is exactly what we plan to use them for!”


Self-identifying as ‘Involuntarily Celibate’, or ‘Incel’ for short, these grown men believe there is a large conspiracy against them by the female population to deny them a relationship, when in reality, they are awful people.


In short, they believe the world ‘owes’ them sex and a submissive female partner.


They won’t be missed.